From the time we are born we receive messages about who we are and what we are supposed to be. We hear it from our family, friends, peers, colleagues, teachers and many others. We also hear messages about what is ‘right’, ‘wrong’ and ‘acceptable’ by society through magazines, books, movie and all media, as well as through religion and education.

                Some of the messages we receive build confidence, love and trust in ourselves and for others while some are more harmful and cause us to feel abandoned, rejected, undeserving and fearful of ourselves and the world we live in. The information we are receiving can be very overt like when someone says, “You’re so smart” or “You don’t deserve that” or they can be subtle and derived through action or inaction.  For example, if you go to hug a parent and they push you away or having your parent go to all your soccer games when you are a kid. Each action sends a message that we interpret.

                So here we are - these old souls as brand new humans - free from bias or judgment, when we are born into a world full of messages.  We practically become computers sorting through all of these messages. The first and most common messages we hear we begin to start categorizing as ‘real’.  If the people around you are saying it, if they are supposed to love you or respect you, if we read it or see it on TV, it must be true, right?  So the computer chugs along categorizing, year after year, the messages that are ‘real’ and the ones that aren’t.

At this point, we have so many files of who are and what we are supposed to be that if life goes along comfortably without any changes - we’re good to go. But since life is change, we inevitably have to go through the old files, especially if the change is difficult.  Sometimes the catalyst for going through our files may be a change in career, having a child or buying your first home. Then others may be more painful like a divorce or the death of a loved one. Whatever the catalyst, the purging of the files is needed to keep us emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually healthy. Some of those old files can be toxic to your sense of self, mood and esteem. Some thoughts may just be keeping you stuck.

When we experience anything, the computer checks it's files and sends us our message.  If we have been taught we aren't smart or capable, we may balk at new activities because the computer reminds us :You're not capable.  This is why some of the messages we receive when we are young stay with us-because they are programmed.  We don't need those messages shown to us because they are stored in the computer.  This is why when we leave harmful relationships or experiences the same messages come to us.  What messages come up for you?

It is completely possible to re-program your own Super Human Computer.  The first step is awareness.  Be aware of what messages you hear.  Are they true?  Do they resonate with you?  If not, replace them.  If the thought that comes up is, "I am not capable or smart", replace it with something like, "I am a quick learner" or " I like to try new things" or "I am good at many things". You may have to replace thoughts many times over until the new one starts to show up but don't give up.  The process is worth the wait..

Ponder this:

  'Good’, ‘bad’, ‘right’ and ‘wrong’-What would happen if you took those four words out of your vocabulary? What would you do differently if those words didn’t exist? How would your life change? If those words are important or necessary for you, who decided this?  Do these beliefs still resonate with you?  Are there things that need to change?

ACTIVITY #1

Make a list of 50 things you like about yourself.  Skip the things you can do better.  Look for small things like, "I am a good kisser" or " I cook a great lasagna".  Find the big things too like, "I am smart, capable, intelligent and or kind.  How did it feel writing this list?  Was it difficult or easy?  What made it that way?

ACTIVITY #2

What are your values?  What values would you like to change?

Choose several words from the list that are important to you; ideas you value.

Accomplishment Achievement  Accountability Accuracy Adventure Awareness Beauty Challenge Change Cleanliness, orderliness Collaboration Commitment Communication Community Compassion Competence Competition Concern for others Consciousness Connection Content over form Continuous improvement Cooperation Coordination Creativity Decisiveness Delight of being, joy Democracy Discipline Discovery Diversity Ease of Use Efficiency Equality Excellence Fairness Faith Faithfulness Family Flair Freedom Friendship Fun Global family Good will Goodness Gratitude Hard work Harmony Honesty Honor Improvement Independence Individuality Inner peace Innovation Integrity Intensity Justice Kindness Knowledge Leadership Love Loyalty Meaning Money Openness Patriotism Peace Perfection Personal Growth Pleasure Power Practicality Preservation Privacy Progress Prosperity, Wealth Purpose Punctuality Quality of work Regularity Reliability Resourcefulness Respect for others Responsiveness Results-oriented Rule of Law Safety Satisfying others Security Self-care Self-reliance Service  Simplicity Skill Solving Problems Spirituality Stability Status Success  Teamwork Timeliness Tolerance Tradition Tranquility Trust Truth Unity Variety Wisdom

 Now create circles on a piece of paper related to the size of the ideas value in your life.  For instance, if ‘Love” is more important to you than “Perfection” than the ‘Love” circle should be bigger.  Do this for as many values as you want.  You do not have to use all the values on this page and you will see some are similar but I have chosen different words.  You may also add words that are your own as well.